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My Blog


Blog for January 21

Posted on 1 February, 2021 at 10:23

Greetings pop-pickers. My last report was to mark the sunset of 2020, as we are now at the sunrise of 2021 let’s see what Ted currently has on his mind.

Now, as you know, I’m not one to gossip. But you might remember me telling you about a relation of my wife’s that was carrying on with “tatty old bit”. 

Well I am now going to reveal his name – on Botley Notice Board and several others in the area. I do like a bit of drama and a chase, so I was tempted to put a clue under the shelf in a phone box, but then remembered that we don’t have phone boxes anymore. Never mind, just have a look on the notice board in our local library, co-op, church, chemists etc etc. You’ll soon find his name revealed in full.   

Can’t seem to see any effects of that “Climate Emergency” that we’re been told about. It looks like it was still cold over December and January with frost and snow. I actually think we could do with raising the temperature in the UK a bit. God knows what the Romans wanted to conquer this bloody cold wet hole for. I can just imagine them coming ashore at the Isle of Dogs:

Claudius > “Ere’ Tonius”

Tonius > “Yes Claudius”

Claudius > “Have you noticed what a bleeding cold and wet hole this is!”

Tonius > “Yesius. And have you seen the women? Bloody scary great big things with tits down to their bellies and covered in blue gunge”

Claudius > “And my bleeding feetius are freezing in these sandals that I had made in Milan. Not only that but some weaselly looking prat just tried to sell me a barbecued rat for 2500 Dinarios! ”

Tonius > “Twisting git! Talk about a nation of shop-keepers. At times like this do you ever miss your villa on the Italian coast. Laying back in the old current bun, knocking back a glass of vino and your hot-blooded beautiful wife peeling olives for you?”

Claudius > “Quick, back in the boat”

I think I would have filed a report saying “We looked but didn’t find anything useful”.

With this latest lockdown we have taken to having a daily stroll around our local area, I hope we will continue to keep this up even after the world returns to some sort of reality (just so long as it doesn’t rain).

And it goes without saying that I hope we can get back to Spain asap. Although this bloody Covid business is going on so long now it could still bugger us up this year. I’m beginning to think that we might have to have the entire year of 2022 on holiday to make up for it.

If you would have asked me, when I were a lad (go on, say it in a northern accent), what we would be doing in 2021, I would have replied “wearing silver suits and whizzing around in flying cars”. Whoever thought we would be fighting a plague.

Talking of cars, I bought a new one a few months back. It is very nice but I have had to turn off a few features. I don’t use cruise control very much anyway as I don’t like that feeling that I’m not in control. But I have now turned off the feature that corrects your steering and wants to fight you for control of the steering wheel. I have also turned off that bloody annoying auto-stop doo-dah. And just for fun, I’m still trying to work out the communications centre and voice control to play Herb Alpert instead of phoning Halfords.

I shall have to get some new headlight deflectors for European driving and I suppose I’ll have to get a “GB” sticker for the ferry as the new number plates no longer have the EU flag and marked “GB EU”.

I am glad we are out of the EU, I voted to go into the EU in 1975 when it was presented to us as simply a trade agreement, in no way were we told it would completely control our country.

The BBC tried to manipulate us to vote against Brexit and squealed with horror when we didn’t. If they loved the EU so much, in all the years we were in the Common Market why didn’t they transmit language classes and in-depth studies of France, Italy and Spain etc? I suppose that reveals how much they think of their audience, we are obviously too stupid to take any of that in. Even if they had have done, they would have put their usual multi-ethnic, multi–multi babble, upper class guilt trip spin on it.

As I understand it the brief of the BBC is to “Educate and Entertain”. I do not see imposing a political viewpoint on the masses as part of that brief.

Now following on from that, and as far as I am aware, our separation from the EU will not affect wiring colours or our electrical regulations. You must remember that our regulations became a full British Standard (BS7671) in 1992 and even though we changed over to continental colours in 2006 (due to pressure from the EU), we will not be changing back for the foreseeable future.

So we are now 1/12 into 2021, I’d like to say we’ll all be vaccinated before too long and we can get back to normal fairly soon,but I don’t think its going to be quite that easy. However, I’m not going to let that get me down, I’ve nearly always been able to turn a situation round so here’s a few keywords to think about if you are furloughed or laid off: Retrain, Refurbish, Repair and Relax. You might want to add get Ready, for the Rush when the world comes back (talk about rolling your Rs).

There are a handful of people I wish I had never met or had to deal with. On the other hand, there are more people who I have good memories of and would really love to hear from, so if you are among that number, don’t be shy, please drop me a line or friend me on Facebook.

In closing, here is a question that I have been pondering for some time now; If Antipasti and a Cornish Pasty make contact would it create a bigger bang than the one at the beginning of time, a small black hole, or could it be safely contained in a Schrodinger Containment Field? 

While your considering that, I’m going to send another Bacardi and coke down the hatch to see what the last one I sent down there is buggering about at.

Anyway, adios until next month mi Amigos y Amigas.

Happy Trails until we meet again. 

Categories: My Diary